Thursday, June 30, 2016

On Being in the New Yorker

On Being in The New Yorker

I'm in The New Yorker this week
(A little profile about my history
With my band, King Missile)
And, although I am a grown man
(Fifty-five years old, as, sadly, the profile
Points out)
I find myself on the subway
Looking around
To see if anybody's reading it
To see if anybody is noticing me,
and thinking,
Hey, there's that guy who's
In the Goings On About Town section
A grown man, I guess, but still a child.

I managed not to tell the woman
Carrying the Strand Book Store bag
With the New Yorker magazine cover on it,
"Hey, I'm in The New Yorker this week."

When the woman came into my office
Saying, "Did you see this?
You're in The New Yorker!"
I said, "I saw it, thanks."
She said, "I got you a copy."
I said, "I'm a subscriber, but thank you."
And she left.
And I felt like a dick.
But I had seen it,
And I am a subscriber.
Still, I felt like a dick.

The woman sitting across from me
On the train is reading New York Magazine.
If she were reading the New Yorker,
Maybe she'd be impressed
That she's sitting across from me.
Not that I want to impress her.
She is, after all, choosing to read New York Magazine Instead of the New Yorker.

My dear friend Julian
Suggested that by virtue of knowing me
(A guy who is in The New Yorker this week)
He can claim secondary bragging rights
And dine out it for years to come.
I'd just like to point out
That so far no one has taken me to dinner.
Just saying.

I realize
That if I were to submit this to The New Yorker,
And they were to publish it,
I would again be in The New Yorker.
But I'm not going to submit this to The New Yorker.
It's highly unlikely that they would publish it,
And I don't deal with rejection all that well.

Next week, I will no longer be in the New Yorker.
I will look back fondly on this week,
When I was in the New Yorker.
I will move forward and try not to live in the past,
When I was in the New Yorker.
And if I ever have grandchildren,
I will try not to bore them with stories of
When I was in the New Yorker.

June 30, 2016


  1. I feel special now, knowing that you are in the New Yorker! Like Julian, I think I can get a dinner out of this news as well.

  2. I was jazzed to read it and learn about you and that the band is performing again! cool stuff! I will take you to dinner to celebrate if you want.

  3. you should submit this to the New Yorker and then if they publish it, write another poem about that poem and continue submitting and let the cycle continue forever until you're in the Guiness Book of World Records for most poems published in the New Yorker about being in the New Yorker

  4. Had I not read this blog entry, I might have never known you were in the New Yorker. Your article in the New Yorker led to a blog entry which led to a tweet which I read and clicked on. No, I will not read the New Yorker article unless I accidentally find it on a coffee table. It being the 4th, I will most certainly blow shit up as oppposed to drive to Barnes & Noble to purchase said publication.